Office Quotes

Most popular office quotes

The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.

funny management

If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.

bureaucracy

In most groups the craziest person is in control. It starts because no one wants the problems that come from pissing off a crazy person. It's just smarter and easier sometimes to let the crazy person have his or her way.
Carpe per diem—seize the cheque.

funny

Work expands so as to fill the time available.

proverbs time management work

Always be smarter than the people who hire you.

career consultants intelligence

The higher a monkey climbs a tree the more you see his ass.
It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.

forgiveness

Windows are as essential to office prestige as Christmas is to retailing.
The job isn't done until you've blamed someone for the parts that went wrong.

funny

Hard work is rewarding. Taking credit for other people's hard work is rewarding and faster.

funny hard work

Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always tax-deductible.

funny

I have infinite capacity to do more work as long as you don't mind that my quality approaches zero.
In some cases you'll get better results by asking for a short-term experiment rather than a permanent change.

career

There is no idea so bad that it cannot be made to look brilliant with the proper application of fonts and color.
I yield to no one in my admiration for the office as a social center, but it's no place actually to get any work done.
I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, 
Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance.

funny work

Don't let your ego get too close to your position, so that if your position gets shot down, your ego doesn't go with it.

career

I have received memos so swollen with managerial babble that they struck me as the literary equivalent of assault with a deadly weapon.
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
Not for nothing is their motto TGIF—'Thank God It's Friday.' They live for the weekends, when they can go do what they really want to do.

managing people

A slightly sneakier way of tipping off your manager about a problem with a coworker is to ask for advice about dealing with that problem.

career

When you bring concerns to your boss, frame them from the perspective of "What makes the most sense for the organization and why?" rather than "I want X."

career

The person who says "I'm not political" is in great danger.... Only the fittest will survive, and the fittest will be the ones who understand their office's politics.

career

Caring about the quality of your work causes stress. Stress can kill you. Maintain good health by remembering that the stockholders are complete strangers who have never done anything for you.

funny

Women are most likely to be evaluated based on their contributions, while men are most likely to be evaluated based on their potential—nebulous criteria that can result in a less qualified man getting the job.

career men and women

The man whose life is devoted to paperwork has lost the initiative. He is dealing with things that are brought to his notice, having ceased to notice anything for himself. He has been essentially defeated by his job.

bureaucracy

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.

career

No office anywhere on earth is so puritanical, impeccable, elegant, sterile or incorruptible as not to contain the yeast for at least one affair, probably more. You can say it couldn't happen here, but just let a yeast raiser into the place and first thing you know - bread!
Instead of viewing money and position as the sole or even chief markers of success, women also tend to place a high value on the quality of their lives at work and the impact of their contributions. Enjoying co-workers and clients, having some degree of control over their time, and believing that their work makes a positive difference in the world are key motivators for many successful women.

career women