Ogden Nash Quotes

Most popular Ogden Nash Quotes

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave
When they think that their children are naïve.
— Ogden Nash

children parenting

Too clever is dumb.
— Ogden Nash

funny intelligence

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.
— Ogden Nash

alcohol funny

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
— Ogden Nash

alcohol

Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind.
— Ogden Nash

funny remorse

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
— Ogden Nash

funny happiness

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
— Ogden Nash

funny remorse

Door: What a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
— Ogden Nash

dogs

Man is a victim of dope
In the incurable form of hope.

hope

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
— Ogden Nash

funny

I claim there ain't 
Another Saint 
As great as Valentine.
— Ogden Nash

funny

The cow is of the bovine ilk; 
one end is moo, the other milk.
— Ogden Nash

funny

Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?
— Ogden Nash

funny

Oh duty,
Why hast thou not the visage of a sweetie or a cutie?

duty

The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.
— Ogden Nash

cats funny

I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.
— Ogden Nash

conscience funny remorse

Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.
— Ogden Nash

progress

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.
— Ogden Nash

funny life

Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.
— Ogden Nash

funny progress

Professional men, they have no cares; 
whatever happens, they get theirs.
— Ogden Nash

funny

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, 
If I belittle dogs and mothers.
— Ogden Nash

funny

The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.
— Ogden Nash

funny sin

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
— Ogden Nash

funny

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
— Ogden Nash

parenting

The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.
— Ogden Nash

funny happiness

Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?
— Ogden Nash

funny new year

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.
— Ogden Nash

parenting

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, 
And that's what parents were created for.
— Ogden Nash

children parenting

If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.
— Ogden Nash

funny work

Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.
— Ogden Nash

funny

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
— Ogden Nash

funny middle age

Someone invented the telephone, and interrupted a nation's slumbers — ringing wrong but similar numbers.
— Ogden Nash
A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men women an occasional animal and the common cold.
— Ogden Nash

family

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.
— Ogden Nash

family funny

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.
— Ogden Nash

funny marriage

People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.
— Ogden Nash

advice desire empathy funny human nature

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.
— Ogden Nash

funny middle age

I have an idea that the phrase 'weaker sex' was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.
— Ogden Nash

funny men and women

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, 
Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance.
— Ogden Nash

funny office work

There are two kinds of people who blow through life like a breeze—one kind is the gossipers, and the other is gossipees.
— Ogden Nash

gossip

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny— Did you ever try buying then without money?
— Ogden Nash

funny money

Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.
— Ogden Nash

English people funny

I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree.
Indeed, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all.

trees

I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.
— Ogden Nash

advertising funny

There is something about a Martini,
A tingle remarkably pleasant;
A yellow, a mellow Martini;
I wish that I had one at present.

martini

To keep your marriage brimming, 
With love in the loving cup, 
Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 
Whenever you're right, shut up.
— Ogden Nash

advisory funny marriage

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.
— Ogden Nash

conscience funny

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball,
And that is to have either a clear conscience, or none at all.

conscience happiness

O Adolescence, O Adolescence,
I wince before thine incandescence.
Thy constitution young and hearty
Is too much for this aged party.

adolescence

Another good thing about gossip is that it is within everybody's reach,
And it is much more interesting than any other form of speech.

gossip

I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.
— Ogden Nash

funny news

Humor is hope's companion in arms.  It is not brash, it is not cheap, it is not heartless.  Among other things I think humor is a shield, a weapon, a survival kit.

humor

An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks.
— Ogden Nash

wife

There are people who are very resourceful, 
at being remorseful, 
and who apparently feel that the best way to make friends 
is to do something terrible and then make amends.
— Ogden Nash

funny remorse

Poets are always in search of the right word, the adjective that is inevitable,
Because an ill-chosen adjective induces levity in the reader, and no poet wishes to be levitable.

parts of speech poets

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.
— Ogden Nash

funny