Ogden Nash Quotes

Most popular Ogden Nash Quotes

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave
When they think that their children are naïve.
— Ogden Nash

children parenting

Too clever is dumb. - Ogden Nash quote.
Too clever is dumb.
— Ogden Nash

funny intelligence

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash quote.
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
— Ogden Nash

alcohol

Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind. - Ogden Nash quote.
Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind.
— Ogden Nash

remorse funny

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch. - Ogden Nash quote.
Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
— Ogden Nash

happiness funny

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence. - Ogden Nash quote.
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
— Ogden Nash

funny remorse

Door: What a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash quote.
Door: What a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
— Ogden Nash

dogs

Man is a victim of dope
In the incurable form of hope. - Ogden Nash quote.
Man is a victim of dope
In the incurable form of hope.
— Ogden Nash The Primrose Path

hope

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash quote.
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
— Ogden Nash

funny

I claim there ain't 
Another Saint 
As great as Valentine. - Ogden Nash quote.
I claim there ain't 
Another Saint 
As great as Valentine.
— Ogden Nash

funny

Oh duty,
Why hast thou not the visage of a sweetie or a cutie? - Ogden Nash quote.
Oh duty,
Why hast thou not the visage of a sweetie or a cutie?
— Ogden Nash The Face is Familiar

duty

The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat. - Ogden Nash quote.
The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.
— Ogden Nash

cats funny

The cow is of the bovine ilk; 
one end is moo, the other milk. - Ogden Nash quote.
The cow is of the bovine ilk; 
one end is moo, the other milk.
— Ogden Nash

funny

Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early? - Ogden Nash quote.
Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?
— Ogden Nash

funny

I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it. - Ogden Nash quote.
I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.
— Ogden Nash

conscience funny remorse

Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long. - Ogden Nash quote.
Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.
— Ogden Nash

progress

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor. - Ogden Nash quote.
Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.
— Ogden Nash

funny life

Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long. - Ogden Nash quote.
Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.
— Ogden Nash

funny progress

Professional men, they have no cares; 
whatever happens, they get theirs. - Ogden Nash quote.
Professional men, they have no cares; 
whatever happens, they get theirs.
— Ogden Nash

professions funny

The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin. - Ogden Nash quote.
The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.
— Ogden Nash

funny sin

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, 
If I belittle dogs and mothers. - Ogden Nash quote.
I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, 
If I belittle dogs and mothers.
— Ogden Nash

funny

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up. - Ogden Nash quote.
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
— Ogden Nash

funny professions

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore. - Ogden Nash quote.
Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
— Ogden Nash

parenting

The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control. - Ogden Nash quote.
The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.
— Ogden Nash

funny happiness

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive. - Ogden Nash quote.
Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.
— Ogden Nash

parenting

Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals? - Ogden Nash quote.
Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?
— Ogden Nash

funny new year

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, 
And that's what parents were created for. - Ogden Nash quote.
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, 
And that's what parents were created for.
— Ogden Nash

parenting children

If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work. - Ogden Nash quote.
If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.
— Ogden Nash

funny work

Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them. - Ogden Nash quote.
Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.
— Ogden Nash

funny

Someone invented the telephone, and interrupted a nation's slumbers — ringing wrong but similar numbers. - Ogden Nash quote.
Someone invented the telephone, and interrupted a nation's slumbers — ringing wrong but similar numbers.
— Ogden Nash
Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else. - Ogden Nash quote.
Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
— Ogden Nash

middle age funny

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men women an occasional animal and the common cold. - Ogden Nash quote.
A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men women an occasional animal and the common cold.
— Ogden Nash

family

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash quote.
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.
— Ogden Nash

funny marriage

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you. - Ogden Nash quote.
Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.
— Ogden Nash

funny middle age

People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it. - Ogden Nash quote.
People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.
— Ogden Nash

desire funny human nature advice empathy

I have an idea that the phrase 'weaker sex' was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm. - Ogden Nash quote.
I have an idea that the phrase 'weaker sex' was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.
— Ogden Nash

funny men and women

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, 
Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance. - Ogden Nash quote.
I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, 
Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance.
— Ogden Nash

work funny office

There are two kinds of people who blow through life like a breeze—one kind is the gossipers, and the other is gossipees. - Ogden Nash quote.
There are two kinds of people who blow through life like a breeze—one kind is the gossipers, and the other is gossipees.
— Ogden Nash

gossip

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny— Did you ever try buying then without money? - Ogden Nash quote.
Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny— Did you ever try buying then without money?
— Ogden Nash

money funny

Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is. - Ogden Nash quote.
Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.
— Ogden Nash

English people funny

I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree.
Indeed, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all. - Ogden Nash quote.
I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree.
Indeed, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all.
— Ogden Nash Happy Days

trees

There is something about a Martini,
A tingle remarkably pleasant;
A yellow, a mellow Martini;
I wish that I had one at present. - Ogden Nash quote.
There is something about a Martini,
A tingle remarkably pleasant;
A yellow, a mellow Martini;
I wish that I had one at present.
— Ogden Nash The Primrose Path

martini

To keep your marriage brimming, 
With love in the loving cup, 
Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 
Whenever you're right, shut up. - Ogden Nash quote.
To keep your marriage brimming, 
With love in the loving cup, 
Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 
Whenever you're right, shut up.
— Ogden Nash

advisory marriage funny

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball,
And that is to have either a clear conscience, or none at all. - Ogden Nash quote.
There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball,
And that is to have either a clear conscience, or none at all.
— Ogden Nash I’m a Stranger Here Myself

happiness conscience

O Adolescence, O Adolescence,
I wince before thine incandescence.
Thy constitution young and hearty
Is too much for this aged party. - Ogden Nash quote.
O Adolescence, O Adolescence,
I wince before thine incandescence.
Thy constitution young and hearty
Is too much for this aged party.
— Ogden Nash in The New Yorker

adolescence

Another good thing about gossip is that it is within everybody's reach,
And it is much more interesting than any other form of speech. - Ogden Nash quote.
Another good thing about gossip is that it is within everybody's reach,
And it is much more interesting than any other form of speech.
— Ogden Nash I’m a Stranger Here Myself

gossip

I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons. - Ogden Nash quote.
I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.
— Ogden Nash

news funny

Humor is hope's companion in arms.  It is not brash, it is not cheap, it is not heartless.  Among other things I think humor is a shield, a weapon, a survival kit. - Ogden Nash quote.
Humor is hope's companion in arms.  It is not brash, it is not cheap, it is not heartless.  Among other things I think humor is a shield, a weapon, a survival kit.
— Ogden Nash Ogden Nash: The Life and Work of America's Laureate of Light Verse

humor

An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks. - Ogden Nash quote.
An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks.
— Ogden Nash

wife

There are people who are very resourceful, 
at being remorseful, 
and who apparently feel that the best way to make friends 
is to do something terrible and then make amends. - Ogden Nash quote.
There are people who are very resourceful, 
at being remorseful, 
and who apparently feel that the best way to make friends 
is to do something terrible and then make amends.
— Ogden Nash

funny remorse

Poets are always in search of the right word, the adjective that is inevitable,
Because an ill-chosen adjective induces levity in the reader, and no poet wishes to be levitable. - Ogden Nash quote.
Poets are always in search of the right word, the adjective that is inevitable,
Because an ill-chosen adjective induces levity in the reader, and no poet wishes to be levitable.

parts of speech poets

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late. - Ogden Nash quote.
The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.
— Ogden Nash

funny

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.
— Ogden Nash

funny alcohol

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.
— Ogden Nash

funny family

I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.
— Ogden Nash

funny advertising

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.
— Ogden Nash

conscience funny