Groucho Marx Quotes

Most popular Groucho Marx Quotes

Humor is reason gone mad. - Groucho Marx quote.
Humor is reason gone mad.
— Groucho Marx The Laughter Prescription

humor

Home is where you hang your head. - Groucho Marx quote.
Home is where you hang your head.
— Groucho Marx

home

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it. - Groucho Marx quote.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
— Groucho Marx

witty insults

Before I speak, I have something important to say. - Groucho Marx quote.
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
— Groucho Marx

oratory

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. - Groucho Marx quote.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
— Groucho Marx

military

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough. - Groucho Marx quote.
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
— Groucho Marx

wife

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. - Groucho Marx quote.
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
— Groucho Marx

sex

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx quote.
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
— Groucho Marx

health

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx quote.
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
— Groucho Marx
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx quote.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
— Groucho Marx
All people are born alike—except Republicans and Democrats. - Groucho Marx quote.
All people are born alike—except Republicans and Democrats.
— Groucho Marx

politics Democrats and Republicans

I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member. - Groucho Marx quote.
I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
— Groucho Marx
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men-the other 999 follow women. - Groucho Marx quote.
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men-the other 999 follow women.
— Groucho Marx

leadership

Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar. - Groucho Marx quote.
Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar.
— Groucho Marx

cigars Cigar

Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution? - Groucho Marx quote.
Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
— Groucho Marx

marriage

If there was no action around, he would play solitaire—and bet against himself. - Groucho Marx quote.
If there was no action around, he would play solitaire—and bet against himself.
— Groucho Marx

gambling

Please accept my resignation.  I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. - Groucho Marx quote.
Please accept my resignation.  I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
— Groucho Marx The Groucho Letters

giving up

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook. - Groucho Marx quote.
There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.
— Groucho Marx

honesty

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it. - Groucho Marx quote.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
— Groucho Marx

critics

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. - Groucho Marx quote.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
— Groucho Marx

politics

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
— Groucho Marx

witty insults