Humor is reason gone mad.
Home is where you hang your head.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
All people are born alike—except Republicans and Democrats.
I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men-the other 999 follow women.
Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar.
Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
If there was no action around, he would play solitaire—and bet against himself.
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.