Woody Allen Quotes
Most popular Woody Allen Quotes
![Showing up is 80 percent of life. - Woody Allen quote.](/img/q/63/14963A-showing-up-is-80-percent-of-life-woody-allen.png)
Showing up is 80 percent of life.
![Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. - Woody Allen quote.](/img/q/69/17669A-sex-alleviates-tension-love-causes-it-woody-allen.png)
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
![Eighty percent of success is showing up. - Woody Allen quote.](/img/q/59/21659A-eighty-percent-of-success-is-showing-up-woody-allen.png)
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
![Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right. - Woody Allen quote.](/img/q/58/18658A-is-sex-dirty-only-when-its-being-done-right-woody-allen.png)
Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.
![To you, I'm an atheist. To God, I'm the loyal opposition. - Woody Allen quote.](/img/q/84/26684A-to-you-im-an-atheist-to-god-im-loyal-opposition-woody-allen.png)
To you, I'm an atheist. To God, I'm the loyal opposition.
![I think crime pays. The hours are good and you travel a lot. - Woody Allen quote.](/img/q/59/19659A-i-think-crime-pays-the-hours-are-good-you-travel-woody-allen.png)
I think crime pays. The hours are good and you travel a lot.
![Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. - Woody Allen quote.](/img/q/09/15309A-money-is-better-than-poverty-if-only-financial-reasons-woody-allen.png)
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
![Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. - Woody Allen quote.](/img/q/75/43175A-not-only-is-there-no-god-but-try-finding-plumber-woody-allen.png)
Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
![I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. - Woody Allen quote.](/img/q/49/19749A-im-not-afraid-to-die-i-just-dont-want-be-woody-allen.png)
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
![If you're not failing now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe. - Woody Allen quote.](/img/q/80/14180A-if-youre-not-failing-now-and-again-its-sign-youre-woody-allen.png)
If you're not failing now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
![I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. - Woody Allen quote.](/img/q/51/17551A-i-was-nauseous-and-tingly-all-over-i-was-either-woody-allen.png)
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
![If you're born with a gift, to behave like it's an achievement is not right. - Woody Allen quote.](/img/q/73/31673A-if-youre-born-with-a-gift-behave-like-its-achievement-woody-allen.png)
If you're born with a gift, to behave like it's an achievement is not right.
![The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. - Woody Allen quote.](/img/q/06/16506A-the-lion-and-the-calf-shall-lie-down-together-but-woody-allen.png)
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
![Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen quote.](/img/q/89/23389A-basically-my-wife-was-immature-id-be-at-home-bath-woody-allen.png)
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
![I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers and they are going to make a game out of it. - Woody Allen quote.](/img/q/17/17617A-i-sold-my-memoirs-of-my-love-life-parker-brothers-woody-allen.png)
I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers and they are going to make a game out of it.
![Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. - Woody Allen quote.](/img/q/47/18647A-love-is-the-answer-but-while-you-are-waiting-answer-woody-allen.png)
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
![I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying. - Woody Allen quote.](/img/q/26/14226A-i-dont-want-to-achieve-immortality-through-my-work-i-woody-allen.png)
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
![Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously. - Woody Allen quote.](/img/q/49/39649A-sex-is-like-having-dinner-sometimes-you-joke-about-dishes-woody-allen.png)
Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.
![For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal. - Woody Allen quote.](/img/q/92/23392A-for-the-first-year-of-marriage-i-had-basically-bad-woody-allen.png)
For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal.
![The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind—a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house. - Woody Allen quote.](/img/q/40/15040A-the-universe-is-merely-a-fleeting-idea-gods-mind-pretty-woody-allen.png)
The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind—a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.
![If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that He's evil. I think that the worst you can say about Him is that, basically, He's an underachiever. - Woody Allen quote.](/img/q/98/31798A-if-it-turns-out-that-there-is-god-i-dont-woody-allen.png)
If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that He's evil. I think that the worst you can say about Him is that, basically, He's an underachiever.
![A relationship, I think, is, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark. - Woody Allen quote.](/img/q/00/38700A-a-relationship-i-think-is-is-like-shark-you-know-woody-allen.png)
A relationship, I think, is, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
![Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue. - Woody Allen quote.](/img/q/92/28292A-comedy-just-pokes-at-problems-rarely-confronts-them-squarely-drama-woody-allen.png)
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
![More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose. - Woody Allen quote.](/img/q/78/78A-more-than-any-other-time-in-history-mankind-faces-crossroads-woody-allen.png)
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose.
![There's a speech I had to cut out of [the 1979 film] Manhattan and plan to get into the next film, where my character says that the metaphor for life is a concentration camp. I do believe that. - Woody Allen quote.](/img/q/96/34696A-theres-a-speech-i-had-to-cut-out-1979-film-woody-allen.png)
There's a speech I had to cut out of [the 1979 film] Manhattan and plan to get into the next film, where my character says that the metaphor for life is a concentration camp. I do believe that.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.