Henny Youngman Quotes

Most popular Henny Youngman Quotes

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.
— Henny Youngman

manners

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
— Henny Youngman
You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
— Henny Youngman
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
— Henny Youngman

funny wealth

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
— Henny Youngman

atheism

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
— Henny Youngman
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
— Henny Youngman

infidelity

I'll never forget my first fight . . . All of a sudden I found someone I knew in the fourth row. It was me. He hit me amongst my nose.
— Henny Youngman

boxing

Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
— Henny Youngman

inflation

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.
— Henny Youngman

wife