Dave Barry Quotes

Most popular Dave Barry Quotes

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
— Dave Barry


Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
— Dave Barry
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
— Dave Barry


Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.
— Dave Barry

Bill Gates

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
— Dave Barry


The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of "call waiting."


In college, Yuppies major in business administration. If to meet certain requirements they have to take a liberal arts course, they take Business Poetry.
— Dave Barry


Males cannot look at breasts and think at the same time.  In fact, scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.
— Dave Barry


Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.


A sense of humor is a measurement of the extent to which we realize that we are trapped in a world almost totally devoid of reason.  Laughter is how we express the anxiety we feel at this knowledge.
— Dave Barry

sense of humor

What, exactly, is the Internet?  Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a way that any computer, anywhere, that is equipped with a device called a "modem" can make a noise like a duck choking on a kazoo.


Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events.  The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard.


Puns are little "plays on words" that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to indicate that he thinks that you must think he is by far the cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead.